Reunited
by openmeadow
Summary: A lot of credit for this story goes to lonnagriffin for her original story: Empty. I changed and added  to the story based on a dream I had. After monthes of indecsion of how to end the first chapter it is finally done. Enjoy!


**AN: Although the custodian is not described that much, I envision him to have slightly similar personality to that of Albus Dumbledore but mostly to be like Mr. Endres, a youth leader at my church. I therefore dedicate this story to him.**

Reunited

Tears falling down her face, sobbing, terrified, nearly paralyzed with horror, Lyra threw herself against the cage door, hurling herself again and again at that barrier, longing to be free, longing to hold Pantalaimon in her arms, hold him tight and never let him go; Longing to be back with the Gyptians, back with Farder Coram and John Faa; Longing to be back at Jordan, waging war on the townies and the children of rival colleges, clambering over roofs and underground and through the streets with her friends, with Roger, with Pan always beside her, always a part of her…But she was still in that cage, unable to escape. Pantalaimon was fighting fiercely too, but the strength was draining from him, and it was also draining from Lyra. There was a mesh barrier between them, but he was still part of her, they were still joined. For a second or so more, he was still her own dear soul. Above the panting of the men, above her own sobs, above the high wild howl of her daemon, Lyra heard a humming sound, and saw one man (bleeding from the nose) operate a bank of switches. The pale silver blade was rising. Never! She screamed in her mind, never! She wailed; but it rose, and it rose, preparing to cut them apart, preparing to tear Pantalaimon from her, preparing to cut away her soul. Never! But it was happening, and the last moment in her complete life was going to be the worst by far…

And the blade swished down—and it was done. Oh, it hurt! It hurt more than anything in the world! The agony, the immense, horrible agony ripped through her, tearing her apart, and then discarding her like an old doll that has become boring. The agony died…But what came next was worse. It was emptiness. Emptiness like she had never felt before. Like someone had ripped away her heart, her soul. It was so empty, so incredibly empty that it hurt, it hurt deep in her chest, the spot where Pantalaimon had resided, the spot where he was no more. Aching loneliness took her over, horror and grief and sadness waging a war for control of the place where her heart had once been.

And she looked over to see an in the next cage, staring back at her with heart wrenching horror and anguish and loss in his eyes. He tried to change, but he could no longer do that either. To see Pan in that state hurt as well, and she cried for them as they were taken from that cage. She hugged him, but he was losing interest in her as the moments went by. It tore at her to see her daemon so unresponsive. Was her heart still beating? Was she still alive? Oh, she didn't want to be alive any longer, she wanted to die, she wanted this to be a horrible nightmare, a dream, she wanted to wake up with Pan in her arms and in her heart and in her soul as he ought to be. She walked out, and they led her to a truck. She got in, Pantalaimon beside her. She could feel the shards of her soul longing to be one again, longing to be healed but she could also feel her mind rebelling by accepting what had happened, accepting the fact that he was no longer her.

Shreds of her old self still remained, and they cried out strongly for Pantalaimon. She ignored them, and those shreds wailed, keening to the night like wolves.

They arrived at a hospital. Lyra was placed in a bed, Pantalaimon not far from her. Neither paid attention to the other, accepting that they were separate, although they each had a half of them longing to be one, longing to be together.

They stayed there the night. In the morning, Lyra woke up and got out of bed to eat. Pantalaimon followed, they ate, and after that they followed the others to a classroom like auditorium. Lyra numbly took the required notes as Pantalaimon, like many of the other dæmons, napped. As she reached over to get the next stack of index cards from the next seat she was startled to see that the supposedly deaf night custodian handing her an index card written in a childish hand for her to meet him in her room at midnight that night. The rest of the day slowly passed as Lyra and Pantalaimon both wrestled between holding on to the shards of their soul trying to recover what was sundered forever and letting it go, accepting the intercision and getting on with their life (or was it lives now? She didn't want to know but yet she did).

The day mundanely passed and the evening meal came and went. Later in her room she absentmindedly read through the notes that she had taken and was supposed to be studying before bed. With only half of her conscious; oh how she missed the other half's warmth, comfort and humor, Pan's humor, Pan's comfort; she realized what they meant. Each note was on how much better life was after operation that each of the students, she now realized, had undergone. Oh the lies that they were teaching! How was this dullness, this aching loneliness, and the pain of not having him as her better then when they were one, were together and had each other for comfort? How could they dare to tell them this! How could they expect them to believe the lies? But then, Lyra felt a part of her, the part farthest from where Pan once was, thinking that one day it would be true, all she had to do was to accept their apartness, accept that this was the best way. She was disgusted at the lies, the untruths of it but she was willing to do anything to rid herself of the pain, the anguish. It was then that she realized that the lights were turned out hours ago. She couldn't sleep, she would never be able to, and Pan was no more affected then a pet. He had curled up on the floor next to the bed long before she was realized what they were teaching. To see him so unresponsive, so distant hurt more then ever.

She was nearly ready to accept their separateness when the door of her room was silently pushed open, Lyra distantly thought that if they were still one, he would instantly turn into his moth form to investigate whom it was that was entering at midnight. This thought hurt so much but yet it gave her more courage to do what she was about to do. The door was slowly pushed open and the custodian who she'd seen at the orientation stepped in. Lyra saw Pantalaimon being gently woken by the man's dæmon, a tawny red owl. There was something about the two that Lyra couldn't quite explain, it was as though the two were whole but yet they both bore the undeniable signs of being two separate entities; how could this be? Lyra wished that she had Pan with her so they could wonder and ponder and discuss how this could possibly be.

The kind grandfatherly custodian started to clean the floor while whispering that he to had been separated from his Gilfiada by a similar process to the one that all of the students had undergone for the same reason that was unknown to all but the 'doctors'. He went on to explain that even though they too had been separated, had gone through the agonizing pain and anguish and aloneness they had been able to repair the damage. He told Lyra and Pantalaimon that the one who had mentored them and actually helped bring about the reuniting of themselves. He told them how to undo the supposedly irreversible damage and that they would suffer even more just before they were reunited forever with each other. As they walked down the hall, Lyra trying to not feel out of place as she held Pan in her arms- it just didn't feel right anymore, he was just a pet, nothing more, why should she have to do it this way? a distant part of her mind questioned. After turning several corners and passing dozens upon dozens of dorm rooms and other doors they finally reached the door… the door that led to the room with the cages?! … no, the man beside Lyra led her to the door next to it and opened it into a huge pool.

The custodian told her that pool was not just an ordinary one but one that contained the liquid love that was poured out just as the children were separated. This pool was not created when the rest of the complex was, nor was it intentionally built. After the first experiment the door had opened into a much, much smaller pool, which had grown in size over time as the doctors of Bolvanger had continued in their awful experimenting. The only way for the two severed ones, the child and the dæmon, to become one, was for the two to willfully enter the pool. They had to understand and accept that they wee meant to be one- not just pet and human.

As Lyra and Pan stared into each other's eyes, as if deciding, they suddenly turned and gracefully leaped into the sparkling liquid. They both audibly sobbed for an instant as they were surrounded in the liquid, the love. The anguishing love that had been torn from them was now pulsating through their being. The horror at being alone in the world without the other had been miraculously turned to and incomprehensible joy. As the two realized the same thought at the same time they faces glowed with the realization that they were one. She was him and he was her. They were reunited.


End file.
